Judge: Why do you want a divorce?
Husband: My wife makes me peel garlic, cut onions, wash utensils, do laundry…
The judge nodded thoughtfully.
Judge:
Warm the garlic—easy to peel.
Chill the onions—your eyes won’t burn.
Soak the utensils for ten minutes—they’ll wash easily.
Before washing clothes, soak them for half an hour—stains come right out, hands won’t get tired.
The husband listened carefully, then said:
Husband: I understand, Your Honor. Please withdraw my petition.
Judge: What did you understand?
Husband: That your situation is worse than mine.
The Dead Horse Business Plan
Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.
The farmer promised to deliver it the next day.
Next day, the farmer showed up alone.
Farmer: Bad news, son. The horse died.
Chuck: Then give me my money back.
Farmer: Can’t. I already spent it.
Chuck: Okay. Then bring me the dead horse.
Farmer: What are you gonna do with a dead horse?
Chuck: I’m gonna raffle it off.
Farmer: You can’t raffle off a dead horse!
Chuck: Sure I can. I just won’t tell anyone it’s dead.
A month later, the farmer ran into Chuck.
Farmer: So… what happened with that horse?
Chuck: I sold 500 tickets at two dollars each.
Made a profit of $898.
Farmer: Didn’t anyone complain?
Chuck: Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two dollars back.
